welcome Charles (^.^)

slightly deviate from the original plan, me and alvin came in singapore on 18 Dec evening. initially i planned to come earlier and stay in my uncle's place.. but i couldn't bear to leave benji.. this is the first time that i am going to be away from him for so many days...

we arrive singapore on 18 Dec late evening.. we went for a dinner, somewhere near my uncle's house.. then went back to rest.. i was very excited and nervous.. wake up at 3am without alarm and couldn't fall sleep again..

we arrived at hospital at about 445am. settle the admission, the nurse bring us and prepared me for the cesarean. i waited till 630am before i was directed to the operation room. i was very nervous due to the past epidural experience.. it wasn't painful, it's just that i am not comfortable having people doing things at my back... and i totally have no control of it.. another thing that i was nervous about is the stitching process after baby is out from my tummy. i dislike the feeling that i have no control over things happening on me and there is nothing that i can do about it.

the operation started at 710am (when the doctor first cut on me). alvin walked in. i was completely glad to see him. i mean, at that time. i know i may not have courage to do all these all by myself without him. and throughout the whole pregnancy, this is the 1st time that i feel he really standby me and supported me. alvin knew my fear, he comfort me by touching my forehead.. his touches really calm me down.

726am, that's the time i first hear Charles scream.. the cries melted my heart... just like 2 years back when benji came to my life.. the nurse bring charles to me, allow me to carry him awhile.. i could feel his soft cheek when i kissed him. he is a beautiful and healthy baby... (^_^)

alvin left with charles to witness the nurses clean him up and register him. i am alone again. i try to control my mind so that i wont be beaten up by the fear of "stitching process". luckily my doctor really do it real fast.. the whole process was completed by 810am.

when i was sent back to my room, alvin waited there. honestly, i have to say... his appearance does comfort me a lot. i may really having difficulty to do this on my own.. >.<

counting down to welcome Charles

I am still in the office at this time.. i know i should not...

i am supposed to be counting down for Charles delivery.

I am super excited to welcome charles...

everynight before i sleep, i will think....

• would charles look like benji?
• will benji love didi or jealous with didi?
• would charles be lovely as benji? or he will be a cheeky one...
• how will the two brother react when they first meet?
• ......
• ..........
• .............

a lot of imagination and question keep pooping up from my mind.. i know i have been bothering alvin a lot for those silly questions... haha.. but it is really a weird feeling compared to first pregnancy... i have not been thinking so much before i rest from work. now i have too much time to think of so much... =S

well, i am really well prepared to welcome charles now..

• clothes - checked
• diaper - checked
• baby cot - checked
• milk bottle - checked (even though i planned for latch on breast feeding)
• hotel booking while waiting for his passport - checked
• etc etc - all checked

charles, just come join our family on 19 Dec morning.. u will gain the love from papa, mama and gor gor.. we will shower you with plenty of love and care.. mummy can't wait to see you soon....

love you.........

Count down to 19 Dec 2012

Wow Wow.. cannot imagine that I am on 32 weeks pregnant now...

I feel myself a bad mummy!

• I have not been taking care of benji for the 1st 3 months of my pregnancy due to nausea and tireness.
• I am on relax mode now.. and avoiding handling benji alone.....
• I have not been recording my bb's development!
• I have not been controlling my diet in this pregnancy....
• I have not decide bb's name! his name is benji di di or baby as for now... =.=!!

Argh!!! i feel myself so useless and the guilt in me cause nightmares when i sleep.... :(

one night i dreamt that baby is born premature and he is dark skin (not catergorised in the white white fat fat group), and refuse to drink milk...

then i got nightmare that i had contraction in a massive traffic jam and no direction to go!!

gosh.. stress stress....

19 Dec 2012 is only about 1.5 months away.. i hope it will be a smooth delivery (ceserean thou)....

baby, mummy loves you as much as i love benji.. stay in mummy's belly till then ok??

The story of benjamin begin here...

Everything happen so fast...

i was expecting for benjamin to come to my world, and now, here he is..

at time, i was so uncertain about what's going to happen.. how will benji look like... will he be healthy. bla bla bla.. and now... here he is, sleeping beside me...

on the 28 jan 2010, i slept early... i wanna be sure that i have enough sleep so that benji will see her pretty & fresh look mama when he come to this world..

29 Dec 2010, Alvin and I reach hospital at around 530am. After the admission, we proceed to the ward. measure blood pressure, shaving & changing clothes... I absolutely feel relief when the nurse said I can waive the enema because of the low lying placenta!! Finally, the placenta previa has done 1 good thing for me!! hahhaha..

and then they push me to the operation room... alvin is not allow to come in with me.. i see the fear from his expression. He definitely scare that something will happen to me.. and gladly, after short while, i saw my lovely gynae.. Dr. Lim.. He is definitely the best gynae I have ever met so far!! He is caring, patience and super intelligent! With the presence of the witness and nurses help, the anesthetist start doing the epidural for me.. I have to say, it wasn't painful.. but uncomfortable either..

after a while, the nurses get alvin into the operation room. Dr Lim cut my belly within minute... I din realize that the operation has began until I saw alvin expression change in no time.. And It was absolutely fast.. my operation started around 720am.. and I hear benjamin's cry at 738am! How could I don love Dr. Lim?? according to alvin, he is very steady and was chit chating with the nurses and anesthetist during the operation too.. and I swear, I did not hear the "king king qang qang" sound... It was purely doctor talking only..

My tears drop when the nurse bring benjamin to me.. he is so lovely... and healthy.. and chubby cheek... I will not forget the moment.. I feel my life complete when i kissed him on his cheek... Then Alvin left the operation with the nurse for Benjamin's cleaning and admission..

Without alvin and Benjamin beside me, I admitted that I started to fear and I think i feel the pain.. muahhahha... I know, i know.. this could be my imagination.. but it is ok.. it is all worth it.. I have Benjamin now.. (^.^)

I have to say it again, Dr Lim is extremely an experience doctor.. the operation completed by 810am.. (or earlier??) don ask me how he do it. He did it... and there is no excessive blood lost as expected! I have no regret that I have to spend more for delivering in Singapore!!! He gave me lots lots of courage and professional consultation throughout my pregnancy..

Count down time...

There is nothing much that i can do already...

Everyday wake up and count down only..

I used to count down to christmas day in Dec...

Now I wish I can spread my focus to Christmas day.. which I cant.... -.-

I am getting more like a pig now. eat, sleep shit...eat sleep shit... even working days i will rather to take a short nap than to take my lunch...

hope that my condition will get better soon...

Meantime, pray hard hard that benjamin will guai guai stay in my belly until end Dec!!

Stress...........

I have no confident to handle the stress any further!!

Coming to the last month can be so miserable.. This is so unlike what the pre / post natal book has described.. Rest and relax to get prepare for the delivery moment... =.=||

The story began like this......

-

-

-

My dearly uncle told me that once I feel like "shitting", that's it! That's the TIME!! Gosh! now i have come to the stage that i thought i am delivering; whenever i feel like "shitting"!!!

Last night i got stomachache.. it was so painful that i have never experience before... I swear at that moment i was about to rush to the hospital! shit! it was 1030pm! i really don want to go into the hospital as emergency case.. Then my hospitalization bill will increase from S$7k to S$17k!!! (according to me experienced uncle again)

Luckily it was just gas in my stomach.. the hub was saying that i did not take proper meal.. hell him! i don know what is consider "proper meal" to him!! beer during dinner time & supper at 11pm? F***! i have no idea how he can judge me like that while he took totally unhealthy meal!

PLUS, doctor says i got healthy weight gain! and my baby is growing healthy in my expanding belly........

It is getting nearer to the day.. Honestly I never thought that i will come across so much stress thinking of benji's health during/after delivery.. I know i gotto be positive thinking.. But I just cannot help myself from thinking "what if...." !!

I need help!

I need consultation!

Am I leading myself to port natal depression?? or my depression has already started??

It's week 34!

Congrats my darling... you are now in week 34 already... still safe and sound in my tummy..

i am glad that you are growing as a strong boy..

Doctor Lim said you weight 2.1kg.. my boy.. i am so proud of you.. Despite squeezing within the confine space in there, yet you manage to grow well..

i was a bit worry that you will be under weight/size.. but you are doing extremely well!! Thank to you, i am suffering from belly expansion.. -.- the red bumps are not only itchy, but also painful~~~ not to mention that it "developing" right at the CENTER of my belly...

I have no idea how my belly will looks like after giving birth.. but it is certainly worthy.. for my darling Benjamin...

your birthday will be after Christmas.. unfortunately u cannot celebrate Christmas with us this year... but for sure, you will have your 1st new year count down together with daddy and mummy! till then, pls bear with mummy nagging.. and keep staying in my tummy until late December (^.^)

我的儿子 - 打横来的

现在我终于知道是什麽感觉了。。

广东话说 : 打横来的 --- 蛮不讲理的。。。。

这， 就是我的儿子。。

昨天我去看医生。。 医生说， 因为胎盘的位置占去宝宝的空位， 宝宝不能随心
所欲地转动。。

所以， 他现在是打横的。。

头，在我的右边， 脚在左边。。

我在想， 是不是， 宝宝越大， 那我的肚皮就越向横发展？

有点不可思议。。

很难理解。。。

可是， 可以肯定的是， 我， 遇到对手了。。。 讲道理的我， 和打横的儿
子。。 谁会赢呢？

-.-|||

Blessed day!

Today is a day that worth celebration.

Early in the morning i receive good news from one of the best friend... (^.^)

today is benji's 32 weeks~~~~ so called... initial stable stage reached!! (^-^) doctor says most babies can survive after 32 weeks.. but may need to stay in the hospital... it doesnt matter... my strong benji can stay in my tummy still.....

my darling hubby successfully set up the baby cot for his lovely son... (^_^)

i got all benji's clothes washed & folded nicely.... but..... yet to get him a wardrobe to keep his clothes.. hehhe... mission incomplete.... but alvin promised that he will get the wardrobe by next weekend..

I HAVE FINALLY COMPLETE MY SHOPPING LIST!!! big to small items! i have got it all!!! i am so happy!!!!!!!!! (^o^)

last but not the least, i have manage to pack my "emergency bag"!! hahahha... (i hope anyone can tell me the better name for "emergency bag"..) if time comes that i have to give birth anytime, alvin just need to grab the bag and bring to the hospital... items for myself and benji are all ready inside the bag~~~

PROUD OF MYSELF~~~~

finally...... i can declare that i am ready to give birth!! despite the benji's passport & maid matters...

Passport --- if benji is born in Singapore, we will need to get his passport ready before we can bring him back to JB for confinememt.. that will take more than 1 week... which means, i will need to stay in Sg *maybe without the confinement lady...

maid --- we are trying to get a maid to take care of benji after my maternity leave... well.. this is still to far to think... it would not be a problem if i am extending my maternity leave... hehhe.. so... not too worry about it...

I AM SO HAPPY TODAY~~~~~ CAN I DECLARE MYSELF WONDERFUL MUMMY??

28 weeks

I took half day to see gynae in Mount Elizaberth on Friday..

Benjamin is a week 28 by now..

Doctor Lim did the ultrascan and says that he is 902g and he is at size of week 26. Initially i was a bit worry that he is a bit undersize..

then doctor lim measure his head again.. according to the head diameter & circumference, he is at size of week 27 + 2 days..

"does it mean that my son got big head and small body??" goodness, I cannot imagine I said that to the gynae.. what kind of mother that will make fun of her own son?? -.-!!

Well, the gyane is so kind.. "normally petite mum will have small size baby".. he said.. =)

doctor lim show me the placenta again.. and my darling is positioning himself so well, by taking the placenta as his pillow.. what a boy!

I discovered that the consultation fee varies by time.. The short & long consultation charges is S$70 & S$110 respectively (excluding GST!!). luckily i have listed down my question.. and I manage to cut down the consultation fee this time!! so glad!! ;)

Howover, I should get prepared to save really A LOT OF MONEY for cesarean in singapore... just in case..

benjamin, not to worry about that.. your father will settle for you (^-^).. you just need stay inside mummy's tummy.. and get enough nutriens for yourself..